No, but she allows it, approves of it if it is so widely used. Barbaric, [ he grumbles.
Yes, he would speak with Mythal about this. If he could catch the ear of his lady Evanuris then he should use it for good and to help others who are suffering.Whether something would come of it was another matter entirely, but he could try. It was better than hearing of what suffering went on with others while in 'service' to another. ]
How can you live with the fear of that looming over?
It's frightening at first, but after a while you get used to it. Besides there are so many slaves in service to others that have it far worse than we do.
[He gave a little shrug, it really didn't seem so strange to him. He had lived with it most of his life. He couldn't even imagine things being different.]
You were never beaten for misbehavior when you were at lower ranks?
No more than one would a child. [ Though now he's wondering how the others treat their 'children.' Mythal seemed to have a more maternal affection toward those in service to her than other Evanuris. ]
We are reprimanded and redirected, no one is burned alive for misdeeds.
[ Those that were killed were for grave offenses, spies for others or those who lashed out in violence. Those were punishments dealt out swiftly and less painfully. ]
Well we aren't killed, at least not usually. That would be a waste of resources. Sometimes it happens by accident, but mostly if we're too damaged to fulfill our duties or be repurposed, we're just resold.
[It was the reselling that was always a concern. You never knew where you could end up and if you were considered damaged then... most would find you to be little better than fodder.]
I've heard other Evanuris are worse though, it's really not so bad here!
Because others have it worse does not excuse what has been done to you and those that serve with you.
[ He shakes his head. They would not change anything here, with this conversation. Later, when he had time to speak with Mythal... Perhaps then he could make a difference, however small. For now, he should make their time together enjoyable and he lets out a small sigh as he squeezes Lad close for a brief moment. ]
My apologies. I do not want to pollute our time together with such thoughts. [ Even if they were inescapable at times. ]
[Lad looked up at him curiously. He didn't quite understand the sentiment, but he was thinking on it. If there were people that were worse off he felt that concern should be directed to them, not someone privileged like him. At least he thought he was privileged.
Then there was the way Solas held him tighter, and he smiled. It was like he was something precious Solas was keeping safe, and it make his heart flutter.]
I don't mind. It's nice to hear someone cares every so often.
I wish I could do more for you, [ he murmurs, pressing his lips against Lad's ear and kissing there.
There was little he could do realistically with Lad in Sylaise's service. The woman had control of him and all he could do was hold onto Lad's time for as long as he could. Selfish of him, but he hoped Lad enjoyed the chance as well to be with him and away from the others he would have had to service throughout the night. ]
[Lad laughed briefly, but it was cut short. His eyes welled up but he was smiling. It wasn't fair how sweet this man was. Why were there no others like him?]
That's the nicest thing someone's said to me. [He leaned up to politely kiss Solas on the cheek.] Thank you.
If you told anyone else, they would not believe you, [ he teases and reaches for a cloth to lather with soap. This did serve a dual purpose after all. ]
No, they wouldn't. I think many of them are still reeling over the fact that Mythal's favored requested me specifically.
[He missed the warmth and comfort having Solas' arms around him brought, but they did have all night for more if he wanted. He was curious to see just where this would go, while bathing with someone was relatively new, at least like this, there were a few clients of his that didn't mind a romp in the bath, or even to just watch him bathe while they took care of their own matters.
Of course Solas didn't really seem the type to be so adventurous so soon. At least not with a near stranger, but at the same time Lad struggled to think why else Solas would be willing to bathe with him. He was trying to understand, but there were still other things about the man that perplexed him.]
I saw a kind heart, one that is rare. I was unsure if you would be interested but--
[ But he had requested Lad when he could no longer dodge the gift from Sylaise. He's not sure what he had expected when Lad's training and typical duties required of him to please those he was with though Solas hoped he had not overstepped any boundaries.
Cloth lathered he offers another and the soap to Lad, assuming the man would want to clean himself. ]
I am grateful you were. [ For if he had sensed any hesitation, he would not have done anything with Lad. ]
[He took the cloth and gently starts lathering himself up. Of course with his teachings, he knew how to do so while still ensuring he looking alluring doing it. It was just a matter of emphasizing his physical attributes with drawn out graceful movements, and occasionally making eye contact when they spoke, to encourage Solas' gaze to be on him.]
You're very handsome, and you were so gentle before when you tended to my wounds. [He smiled at the memory, truthfully he had been hoping for a way to pay back the kind stranger that had helped him. Once he learned who the man was however, didn't thinks he'd have the opportunity.] And to be honest, I haven't had sex that good in ages. I've never been allowed to indulge myself so much before.
[ It's hard to avoid watching Lad with how they were sitting. He clears his throat awkwardly and tries to focus on cleaning himself, stealing glances as Lad worries about himself. ]
You appeared as if you were enjoying yourself. I was concerned, [ he admits. Concerned that Lad had done it all, was merely putting on a show. That he genuinely enjoyed himself helped. ]
[Lad shifted his hair off to one side, and tilted his head accordingly to expose his neck, giving Solas a nice view as he washed.]
Concerned? Over what?
[His mind couldn't quite follow Solas' reasoning. It was his duty to pleasure others after all. Why would him doing that be a concern? Solas' last statement was almost as curious, Lad simply assumed he was referring to their little secret rule breaking.]
About your enjoyment? Or desire to do it at all? [ he asks, brow raised. He's watching Lad, but keeping his focus on the man's expression.
Did he truly not think of it like that? That this life was simply how things were? There were better things out there for him. As soon as he was able, he'd speak to Mythal about this because the implications were concerning. ]
[Solas’ stare gave him pause, something about the expression wasn’t right, at least not right in what he was trying to accomplish.]
Solas, I’m a slave without anyone’s favor. None of that is important, it’s just something nice to look forward to when it does happen. At the end of the day I’m just as bound to my duties as you are.
[Such has been the case with Solas, but that was rare. Very rare. He honestly had never had sex with someone as gentle and affectionate as Solas had been. But it wasn’t something he should be getting used to. At best it would be a nice treat when Mythal’s people visited. Otherwise he’d be back to the same routine.]
That does not mean you are without worth, Ladanelan.
[ Because he wonders if the man realizes that. He keeps his gaze steady with Lad's, hands stilling. Something had to change, something would bend and buckle. How long until he was tired of playing his own part in this charade?
He needed to speak with Mythal more than he knew. ]
[Another odd question. It wasn’t something he thought was very relevant. What did it matter in the end? He would still have to do the work regardless, and he considered himself lucky in regards of his work versus others. He ate better, his beatings were less severe, and at least his work could feel good with the right client.]
He preferred to teach, to learn and share his knowledge with others. That was only one of his strengths, his others had overshadowed it in terms of his usefulness. His role as a trusted strategist and general of sorts had brought him greater favor, but it was not the work he was happiest doing. ]
[He shrugged, thinking he wasn't much different. Of course he had very little to compare it to, he only saw those that served Sylaise. Aside from the guests of those that visited, but he never got to see how they lived their lives day to day.]
It's the same for me. There are good days and bad days, people I like to work with and people I don't. As long as I do what I'm told, I'm treated well. I'm lucky my duty is what it is, there are a lot of worse alternatives.
[Of course most people didn't have to sleep with those they didn't care for, but Lad just thought of it as another part of his job.]
[He gave Solas a curious look, though there was some humor behind it. They were speaking the same language and yet it was almost as though they were having two entirely different conversations. He was trying to figure out what Solas was getting at, but he couldn't quite place a finger on it.]
This would not be my duty if I was not found to be good at it in some sense. [He supposed he should be proud of that, he was attractive, more than others if he had been trained for this duty and no others. Though there could be another reason, and he laughed thinking about it as he went back to washing himself.] Or maybe I'm just that bad at other tasks.
I have been called strange and worse many times before.
[ The notion was not new to him. He shakes his head and once he feels he's clean enough, he's rinsing out his cloth to set aside to dry. Lad had his full attention now though his interest was clearly on the man's face and words rather than the rest of his features. ]
What do you enjoy doing? [ Because surely Sylaise allowed them hobbies. ]
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Yes, he would speak with Mythal about this. If he could catch the ear of his lady Evanuris then he should use it for good and to help others who are suffering.Whether something would come of it was another matter entirely, but he could try. It was better than hearing of what suffering went on with others while in 'service' to another. ]
How can you live with the fear of that looming over?
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[He gave a little shrug, it really didn't seem so strange to him. He had lived with it most of his life. He couldn't even imagine things being different.]
You were never beaten for misbehavior when you were at lower ranks?
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We are reprimanded and redirected, no one is burned alive for misdeeds.
[ Those that were killed were for grave offenses, spies for others or those who lashed out in violence. Those were punishments dealt out swiftly and less painfully. ]
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[It was the reselling that was always a concern. You never knew where you could end up and if you were considered damaged then... most would find you to be little better than fodder.]
I've heard other Evanuris are worse though, it's really not so bad here!
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[ He shakes his head. They would not change anything here, with this conversation. Later, when he had time to speak with Mythal... Perhaps then he could make a difference, however small. For now, he should make their time together enjoyable and he lets out a small sigh as he squeezes Lad close for a brief moment. ]
My apologies. I do not want to pollute our time together with such thoughts. [ Even if they were inescapable at times. ]
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Then there was the way Solas held him tighter, and he smiled. It was like he was something precious Solas was keeping safe, and it make his heart flutter.]
I don't mind. It's nice to hear someone cares every so often.
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There was little he could do realistically with Lad in Sylaise's service. The woman had control of him and all he could do was hold onto Lad's time for as long as he could. Selfish of him, but he hoped Lad enjoyed the chance as well to be with him and away from the others he would have had to service throughout the night. ]
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That's the nicest thing someone's said to me. [He leaned up to politely kiss Solas on the cheek.] Thank you.
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You do not need to thank me.
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[He missed the warmth and comfort having Solas' arms around him brought, but they did have all night for more if he wanted. He was curious to see just where this would go, while bathing with someone was relatively new, at least like this, there were a few clients of his that didn't mind a romp in the bath, or even to just watch him bathe while they took care of their own matters.
Of course Solas didn't really seem the type to be so adventurous so soon. At least not with a near stranger, but at the same time Lad struggled to think why else Solas would be willing to bathe with him. He was trying to understand, but there were still other things about the man that perplexed him.]
I'm still trying to believe it myself.
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[ But he had requested Lad when he could no longer dodge the gift from Sylaise. He's not sure what he had expected when Lad's training and typical duties required of him to please those he was with though Solas hoped he had not overstepped any boundaries.
Cloth lathered he offers another and the soap to Lad, assuming the man would want to clean himself. ]
I am grateful you were. [ For if he had sensed any hesitation, he would not have done anything with Lad. ]
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You're very handsome, and you were so gentle before when you tended to my wounds. [He smiled at the memory, truthfully he had been hoping for a way to pay back the kind stranger that had helped him. Once he learned who the man was however, didn't thinks he'd have the opportunity.] And to be honest, I haven't had sex that good in ages. I've never been allowed to indulge myself so much before.
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You appeared as if you were enjoying yourself. I was concerned, [ he admits. Concerned that Lad had done it all, was merely putting on a show. That he genuinely enjoyed himself helped. ]
You are free to act as you wish here.
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Concerned? Over what?
[His mind couldn't quite follow Solas' reasoning. It was his duty to pleasure others after all. Why would him doing that be a concern? Solas' last statement was almost as curious, Lad simply assumed he was referring to their little secret rule breaking.]
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Did he truly not think of it like that? That this life was simply how things were? There were better things out there for him. As soon as he was able, he'd speak to Mythal about this because the implications were concerning. ]
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Solas, I’m a slave without anyone’s favor. None of that is important, it’s just something nice to look forward to when it does happen. At the end of the day I’m just as bound to my duties as you are.
[Such has been the case with Solas, but that was rare. Very rare. He honestly had never had sex with someone as gentle and affectionate as Solas had been. But it wasn’t something he should be getting used to. At best it would be a nice treat when Mythal’s people visited. Otherwise he’d be back to the same routine.]
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[ Because he wonders if the man realizes that. He keeps his gaze steady with Lad's, hands stilling. Something had to change, something would bend and buckle. How long until he was tired of playing his own part in this charade?
He needed to speak with Mythal more than he knew. ]
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Of course I am worth something! I may not be the highest ranking, but I do my job well enough, and I am attractive.
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Are you happy with your work then? [ He had sounded fearful, scared to misstep even slightly in the eyes of those 'higher' than him. ]
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Are you happy with yours?
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He preferred to teach, to learn and share his knowledge with others. That was only one of his strengths, his others had overshadowed it in terms of his usefulness. His role as a trusted strategist and general of sorts had brought him greater favor, but it was not the work he was happiest doing. ]
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It's the same for me. There are good days and bad days, people I like to work with and people I don't. As long as I do what I'm told, I'm treated well. I'm lucky my duty is what it is, there are a lot of worse alternatives.
[Of course most people didn't have to sleep with those they didn't care for, but Lad just thought of it as another part of his job.]
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You should be treated well for what you do, [ he says with a shake of his head. ] There are not many that take pride in bringing joy to others.
[ Or so he hoped he was understanding this correctly. ]
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[He gave Solas a curious look, though there was some humor behind it. They were speaking the same language and yet it was almost as though they were having two entirely different conversations. He was trying to figure out what Solas was getting at, but he couldn't quite place a finger on it.]
This would not be my duty if I was not found to be good at it in some sense. [He supposed he should be proud of that, he was attractive, more than others if he had been trained for this duty and no others. Though there could be another reason, and he laughed thinking about it as he went back to washing himself.] Or maybe I'm just that bad at other tasks.
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[ The notion was not new to him. He shakes his head and once he feels he's clean enough, he's rinsing out his cloth to set aside to dry. Lad had his full attention now though his interest was clearly on the man's face and words rather than the rest of his features. ]
What do you enjoy doing? [ Because surely Sylaise allowed them hobbies. ]
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