[Lad immediately regretted bringing it up, and reached out to place one hand over Solas'. He had not wanted to interrupt his drawing, but calming Solas took precedence. His other hand went up to Solas' head to bring it down so he could press his lips to Solas' temple, gently shushing him to try and calm him.
He had yet to realize it, but normally he would grow frightened when others angered, and yet he did not fear Solas. He'd reason later that it must have been because Solas was growing angry on his behalf, rather than at him as was usually the case.]
It is alright Solas, I told you, I'm fortunate. I did not stand out among those gifted in intelligence or physical strength, but I was personable so they waited until I grew to see if I would be attractive enough to be a courtesan. I was not one of the unfortunate children.
[ He could tell Lad was attempting to calm him, but there was little that would do. He raises his hand in a gesture for Lad to stop. None of his anger was directed at the other man and there was little that could be done to stop it from welling up inside him. ]
There should be no unfortunate children, [ he says sharply before forcing himself to pull back. ]
[Lad pulled back from Solas as well, growing more fearful the more Solas spoke, though not of Solas exactly. His purpose had always been to please and give people what they wanted, and yet here he was doing just the opposite. While he did not think Solas would lash out against him there were others that would, so he had to fix this. Somehow he had to fix this or he'd be punished.]
It is not so bad, truly there are so many that have it worse. We are treated well as long as we do what we are supposed to. I've lived a good life, the people are mostly nice, I am well cared for, it could be so much worse-
[And in his nervousness he just keeps talking, parroting the rhetoric he grew up hearing that was used to keep him and others in line. He believed it of course, and he had seen examples of some who lived in far worse conditions from the other Evanuris. He did consider himself fortunate... and he'd consider himself more fortunate if he somehow managed to calm Solas.]
[ It was hard to pinpoint Lad's emotion. Something had the man rattled and his words came flowing out of him as if rehearsed. Solas sets aside his sketchbook and pencil for now. It's with tentative care that he reaches to rest a hand on Lad's shoulder. ]
I am not one you can convince of that, [ he says, firm but in a more even tone. Was that what had bothered him? It was difficult to tell. ]
There may be others that have it worse, but that does not excuse the treatment of you or others that have it 'better.'
[Lad continued to look nervous. What if Solas said something, what if they found out he spoke of it? Would they consider him broken and sell him? He didn't want to be resold, what if he wound up somewhere worse?
The hand on his shoulder did little to comfort him, and instead he looked at Solas, his eyes starting to well up from the fears he could not voice.]
I think I am treated very well, and I am very happy here. I don't want to go anywhere else.
[He could not order Solas not to tell anyone, but he could try to make a subtle plea.]
[ Was Lad about to cry? His brows furrow in confusion and he watches him carefully, trying to discern exactly what had caused this change in emotion. ]
Why would you go elsewhere? [ And why was he so frightened of it? No, wrong question to ask, he knew the why. There was no guarantee a better Evanuris would want him or anyone else with the power.
Still, that concern was there and he wasn't sure why. ]
[Was Mythal truly so kind that she would not punish one for saying such unflattering things about her treatment of her property? Did Solas not understand how such words could mean his death, or possibly worse if the stories he heard were true. He knew Solas had said this night would be their secret, but he was so angry! What if he said something? It would no doubt come back to him.]
I have broken so many of the rules, I have told you things I should not have. They do not tolerate such disobedience.
They will not hurt you, [ he says without hesitation.
If something befell Lad after this, he would find out somehow and act on it. The man did not deserve such treatment for speaking about the ills that plagued those under Sylaise. ]
I am a man of my word. What would you have me do to reassure you?
I would be marked as disobedient and auctioned. Slaves that carry such a label are not purchased to serve...
[So no, they would not hurt him, but he would be bought by someone that would. That was the natural order of things. How could he have said such things to put him into this position? Well, at the time he mentioned it, he hadn't thought anything of it, but apparently it angered Mythal's favored.]
My anger concerns you? I would do nothing to bring you harm.
[ He lets out a small sigh and reaches to take Lad's hand, if the man would let him. ]
I have walked enough among the halls of the other Evanuris and I know how to bring concerns to Mythal. If I breathe a word of how Sylaise handles her domain, I would wait and you would not be mentioned. [ Since what he would want to say had more to do with the general treatment of Sylaise's slaves than the 'rules' that had been broken here tonight. ]
[Solas' hand on his own did help to ease him. He was so gentle, perhaps he was just overreacting. This was all so strange and confusing, Lad found himself not trusting his own judgement. For now it just seemed easiest to take Solas at his word, and when he spoke again his tone was less frenzied, if a bit still nervous.]
If it comes back to Sylaise that one of us spoke on such unflattering matters we would all be punished as a result, unless someone stepped forward.
[It was one of the many ways they kept power over the slaves as a whole. Raise them so that they know no other life, convince them they are fortunate, and turn them against each other in fear of punishment. Sylaise was always one to want to maintain the image of perfection, and disobedient slaves could put quite a damper on that.]
To punish them all would be shortsighted. His hope would be that Mythal would maneuver carefully, but swiftly. Stop Sylaise before she was able to do more damage. But if she was able to seek retribution before intervention or sought it even after-- ]
Would you step forward? [ Because he understands the implication of Lad mentioning that. It's something he's done already, an act Solas admired greatly. ]
[Solas blunt remark gave Lad a start and he reflexively looks around for... some sign that either of them might be punished for it. But there was nothing. No overseer, no pain, not even any harsh words. With how poorly the hearthkeeper took any sort of perceived negative remark, he had practically expected the room to try and kill them.
Solas’ shift in topic brought him back to the conversation, and he nodded without any sign of hesitation.]
Of course I would. I couldn’t let everyone suffer for my misdeeds.
[ No, Solas was in a fortunate position that he could make such remarks without fear. Although he did reserve them for private moments such as these. He and Mythal had their share of discussing the other Evanuris in talks of politics and strategy. ]
It is hardly a misdeed to speak of the ills that have befallen you and others, [ he says with a small sigh. ]
[Lad looked at their intertwined hands, mulling over Solas' words. Thoughts remained muddled, but something else urged him on, and in a brief moment of boldness he leaned forward to steal a quick and surprisingly chaste kiss to Solas' lips.]
I trust you.
[He couldn't precisely say why, but despite everything he was ever taught telling him that this was wrong, he couldn't bring himself to feel like it was wrong at all.]
[ He blinks back his surprise, staring at Lad for a moment after. Genuine, he assumes, and not one given with the intention of calming him. He reaches to take one of Lad's hands and keeps his gaze locked with his. ]
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He had yet to realize it, but normally he would grow frightened when others angered, and yet he did not fear Solas. He'd reason later that it must have been because Solas was growing angry on his behalf, rather than at him as was usually the case.]
It is alright Solas, I told you, I'm fortunate. I did not stand out among those gifted in intelligence or physical strength, but I was personable so they waited until I grew to see if I would be attractive enough to be a courtesan. I was not one of the unfortunate children.
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There should be no unfortunate children, [ he says sharply before forcing himself to pull back. ]
That is not how anyone should rule their people.
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It is not so bad, truly there are so many that have it worse. We are treated well as long as we do what we are supposed to. I've lived a good life, the people are mostly nice, I am well cared for, it could be so much worse-
[And in his nervousness he just keeps talking, parroting the rhetoric he grew up hearing that was used to keep him and others in line. He believed it of course, and he had seen examples of some who lived in far worse conditions from the other Evanuris. He did consider himself fortunate... and he'd consider himself more fortunate if he somehow managed to calm Solas.]
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I am not one you can convince of that, [ he says, firm but in a more even tone. Was that what had bothered him? It was difficult to tell. ]
There may be others that have it worse, but that does not excuse the treatment of you or others that have it 'better.'
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The hand on his shoulder did little to comfort him, and instead he looked at Solas, his eyes starting to well up from the fears he could not voice.]
I think I am treated very well, and I am very happy here. I don't want to go anywhere else.
[He could not order Solas not to tell anyone, but he could try to make a subtle plea.]
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Why would you go elsewhere? [ And why was he so frightened of it? No, wrong question to ask, he knew the why. There was no guarantee a better Evanuris would want him or anyone else with the power.
Still, that concern was there and he wasn't sure why. ]
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I have broken so many of the rules, I have told you things I should not have. They do not tolerate such disobedience.
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If something befell Lad after this, he would find out somehow and act on it. The man did not deserve such treatment for speaking about the ills that plagued those under Sylaise. ]
I am a man of my word. What would you have me do to reassure you?
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[So no, they would not hurt him, but he would be bought by someone that would. That was the natural order of things. How could he have said such things to put him into this position? Well, at the time he mentioned it, he hadn't thought anything of it, but apparently it angered Mythal's favored.]
Even when you are so angry?
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[ He lets out a small sigh and reaches to take Lad's hand, if the man would let him. ]
I have walked enough among the halls of the other Evanuris and I know how to bring concerns to Mythal. If I breathe a word of how Sylaise handles her domain, I would wait and you would not be mentioned. [ Since what he would want to say had more to do with the general treatment of Sylaise's slaves than the 'rules' that had been broken here tonight. ]
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If it comes back to Sylaise that one of us spoke on such unflattering matters we would all be punished as a result, unless someone stepped forward.
[It was one of the many ways they kept power over the slaves as a whole. Raise them so that they know no other life, convince them they are fortunate, and turn them against each other in fear of punishment. Sylaise was always one to want to maintain the image of perfection, and disobedient slaves could put quite a damper on that.]
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To punish them all would be shortsighted. His hope would be that Mythal would maneuver carefully, but swiftly. Stop Sylaise before she was able to do more damage. But if she was able to seek retribution before intervention or sought it even after-- ]
Would you step forward? [ Because he understands the implication of Lad mentioning that. It's something he's done already, an act Solas admired greatly. ]
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Solas’ shift in topic brought him back to the conversation, and he nodded without any sign of hesitation.]
Of course I would. I couldn’t let everyone suffer for my misdeeds.
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It is hardly a misdeed to speak of the ills that have befallen you and others, [ he says with a small sigh. ]
I do not want harm to come to you.
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I trust you.
[He couldn't precisely say why, but despite everything he was ever taught telling him that this was wrong, he couldn't bring himself to feel like it was wrong at all.]
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Thank you. That is all I ask of you.
[ All he asks of anyone. ]