[ Or laying with anyone, for that matter, Solas thinks and keeps that to himself. His younger, wilder days were woefully over and it had been far longer than he cared to think about.
Instead, he focuses on his sketch only shifting to glance at the man when he. ]
Beautiful? You should allow time for details to start forming, [ he says with light amusement. ]
[Lad just beamed as he continued watching Solas. It was surreal just being with a client without... well, being with them. Lad knew it had to do more with Solas' inexperience with courtesans, but it still felt strange having no obligation to please him. Lad could just enjoy being near him, watching the subtle movements of his hands as he worked.
It made him feel so aware of Solas' body next to him, from the warmth to the way he smelled, and somehow it was all really turning him on.
Now did not really seem to be the time for that though, and Lad was struck trying to figure out why such a moment was turning him on when there wasn't anything sexual about it.]
Solas, are you always so gentle with people? Is this something Mythal teaches?
Gentle with those who deserve it, [ he remarks absently, finishing a detail before he shifts to give Lad more of his attention.
'Gentle' was not a word many would use to describe him. Rash, hot-headed, but his heart was in the right place most of the time no matter what his stubbornness might do to it. Being with Lad was... different. The man had shown his own kindness and even more of it tonight with him. It was calming in a way and intimate to be relaxing with another in his quarters. ]
The People are her children in a way, or so she says if asked why she seeks to ensure a code of laws is upheld.
You are so much softer than most generals I've seen.
[Lad moved one hand to gently run up and down Solas' thigh in what he felt was just a friendly gesture.]
So Mythal is gentle to her actual children as well?
[While children weren't often sent into the workforce quite as hard as adults, but he remembered them being far less gentle with the children than they were with adults. Adults had been trained and thus were more valuable than the children.]
[ It feels more than a friendly gesture and Solas glances down at the hand before attempting to ignore it. ]
You mean those that server her? Yes, though you would do her a disservice to think only that of her. She has a firm hand when needed.
[ Which gave it more potency, in his opinion. If one stayed in a state of constant fear, what would it matter if they faced it yet again in failure? No, Mythal wielded it carefully and never ill-deserved. ]
That is still more than I expected. Children have relatively low value, they come with no skills and it takes years before they can attain the skills needed to work. They are usually seen as disposable here.
[Lad didn't speak of it solemnly, to him it was just a simple difference between them. He had obviously had such the harsh view instilled in him as well. He wouldn't harm a child personally,and he often pitied the new arrivals, but he didn't mourn too much over the ones lost. It would have been inevitable, and so it was better they had not have to suffer too much.]
Those that don't make it generally would not have lasted long in adulthood anyway.
[ Solas frowns at that, his hand stilling to focus more on Lad. ] Children are not encouraged, but they are welcomed when birthed.
Does Sylaise think so little of life that she would allow those flames to be extinguished so young?
[ The more he learned of the Hearthkeeper, the more he loathed her. How did she manage to keep control of those that served her when she showed so little respect for them? ]
They are not often minded here, since there is usually a frequent enough blood among the slaves. I thin it is different for those who are free though, I've never seen a free child.
[Then again free children were not often toted into the courtesan's wing for obvious reasons. Lad truly knew little of the world outside of the halls in which he served.]
If they do perish then they would have only suffered needlessly if they did manage to reach adulthood. I remember when I was brought in, I imagine it would be better to perish than have to constantly suffer punishments for disobedience or failures to complete your duties. It is more merciful.
You do not have to stay here, [ he says before he even realizes the words have left his mouth.
There was a part of him that burned brightly with the injustice of it all. That so many of the People were hurt needlessly. And for what? It served no damn purpose but to fuel egos that needed no further stroking. His grip on his pencil is tight enough to cause his knuckles to whiten before he forces it to relax. ]
I could speak with Mythal. If you truly think death is preferable to living then--
[ There had to be something Sylaise was doing that Mythal could act on. ]
[Lad immediately regretted bringing it up, and reached out to place one hand over Solas'. He had not wanted to interrupt his drawing, but calming Solas took precedence. His other hand went up to Solas' head to bring it down so he could press his lips to Solas' temple, gently shushing him to try and calm him.
He had yet to realize it, but normally he would grow frightened when others angered, and yet he did not fear Solas. He'd reason later that it must have been because Solas was growing angry on his behalf, rather than at him as was usually the case.]
It is alright Solas, I told you, I'm fortunate. I did not stand out among those gifted in intelligence or physical strength, but I was personable so they waited until I grew to see if I would be attractive enough to be a courtesan. I was not one of the unfortunate children.
[ He could tell Lad was attempting to calm him, but there was little that would do. He raises his hand in a gesture for Lad to stop. None of his anger was directed at the other man and there was little that could be done to stop it from welling up inside him. ]
There should be no unfortunate children, [ he says sharply before forcing himself to pull back. ]
[Lad pulled back from Solas as well, growing more fearful the more Solas spoke, though not of Solas exactly. His purpose had always been to please and give people what they wanted, and yet here he was doing just the opposite. While he did not think Solas would lash out against him there were others that would, so he had to fix this. Somehow he had to fix this or he'd be punished.]
It is not so bad, truly there are so many that have it worse. We are treated well as long as we do what we are supposed to. I've lived a good life, the people are mostly nice, I am well cared for, it could be so much worse-
[And in his nervousness he just keeps talking, parroting the rhetoric he grew up hearing that was used to keep him and others in line. He believed it of course, and he had seen examples of some who lived in far worse conditions from the other Evanuris. He did consider himself fortunate... and he'd consider himself more fortunate if he somehow managed to calm Solas.]
[ It was hard to pinpoint Lad's emotion. Something had the man rattled and his words came flowing out of him as if rehearsed. Solas sets aside his sketchbook and pencil for now. It's with tentative care that he reaches to rest a hand on Lad's shoulder. ]
I am not one you can convince of that, [ he says, firm but in a more even tone. Was that what had bothered him? It was difficult to tell. ]
There may be others that have it worse, but that does not excuse the treatment of you or others that have it 'better.'
[Lad continued to look nervous. What if Solas said something, what if they found out he spoke of it? Would they consider him broken and sell him? He didn't want to be resold, what if he wound up somewhere worse?
The hand on his shoulder did little to comfort him, and instead he looked at Solas, his eyes starting to well up from the fears he could not voice.]
I think I am treated very well, and I am very happy here. I don't want to go anywhere else.
[He could not order Solas not to tell anyone, but he could try to make a subtle plea.]
[ Was Lad about to cry? His brows furrow in confusion and he watches him carefully, trying to discern exactly what had caused this change in emotion. ]
Why would you go elsewhere? [ And why was he so frightened of it? No, wrong question to ask, he knew the why. There was no guarantee a better Evanuris would want him or anyone else with the power.
Still, that concern was there and he wasn't sure why. ]
[Was Mythal truly so kind that she would not punish one for saying such unflattering things about her treatment of her property? Did Solas not understand how such words could mean his death, or possibly worse if the stories he heard were true. He knew Solas had said this night would be their secret, but he was so angry! What if he said something? It would no doubt come back to him.]
I have broken so many of the rules, I have told you things I should not have. They do not tolerate such disobedience.
They will not hurt you, [ he says without hesitation.
If something befell Lad after this, he would find out somehow and act on it. The man did not deserve such treatment for speaking about the ills that plagued those under Sylaise. ]
I am a man of my word. What would you have me do to reassure you?
I would be marked as disobedient and auctioned. Slaves that carry such a label are not purchased to serve...
[So no, they would not hurt him, but he would be bought by someone that would. That was the natural order of things. How could he have said such things to put him into this position? Well, at the time he mentioned it, he hadn't thought anything of it, but apparently it angered Mythal's favored.]
My anger concerns you? I would do nothing to bring you harm.
[ He lets out a small sigh and reaches to take Lad's hand, if the man would let him. ]
I have walked enough among the halls of the other Evanuris and I know how to bring concerns to Mythal. If I breathe a word of how Sylaise handles her domain, I would wait and you would not be mentioned. [ Since what he would want to say had more to do with the general treatment of Sylaise's slaves than the 'rules' that had been broken here tonight. ]
[Solas' hand on his own did help to ease him. He was so gentle, perhaps he was just overreacting. This was all so strange and confusing, Lad found himself not trusting his own judgement. For now it just seemed easiest to take Solas at his word, and when he spoke again his tone was less frenzied, if a bit still nervous.]
If it comes back to Sylaise that one of us spoke on such unflattering matters we would all be punished as a result, unless someone stepped forward.
[It was one of the many ways they kept power over the slaves as a whole. Raise them so that they know no other life, convince them they are fortunate, and turn them against each other in fear of punishment. Sylaise was always one to want to maintain the image of perfection, and disobedient slaves could put quite a damper on that.]
To punish them all would be shortsighted. His hope would be that Mythal would maneuver carefully, but swiftly. Stop Sylaise before she was able to do more damage. But if she was able to seek retribution before intervention or sought it even after-- ]
Would you step forward? [ Because he understands the implication of Lad mentioning that. It's something he's done already, an act Solas admired greatly. ]
[Solas blunt remark gave Lad a start and he reflexively looks around for... some sign that either of them might be punished for it. But there was nothing. No overseer, no pain, not even any harsh words. With how poorly the hearthkeeper took any sort of perceived negative remark, he had practically expected the room to try and kill them.
Solas’ shift in topic brought him back to the conversation, and he nodded without any sign of hesitation.]
Of course I would. I couldn’t let everyone suffer for my misdeeds.
[ No, Solas was in a fortunate position that he could make such remarks without fear. Although he did reserve them for private moments such as these. He and Mythal had their share of discussing the other Evanuris in talks of politics and strategy. ]
It is hardly a misdeed to speak of the ills that have befallen you and others, [ he says with a small sigh. ]
[Lad looked at their intertwined hands, mulling over Solas' words. Thoughts remained muddled, but something else urged him on, and in a brief moment of boldness he leaned forward to steal a quick and surprisingly chaste kiss to Solas' lips.]
I trust you.
[He couldn't precisely say why, but despite everything he was ever taught telling him that this was wrong, he couldn't bring himself to feel like it was wrong at all.]
[ He blinks back his surprise, staring at Lad for a moment after. Genuine, he assumes, and not one given with the intention of calming him. He reaches to take one of Lad's hands and keeps his gaze locked with his. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Instead, he focuses on his sketch only shifting to glance at the man when he. ]
Beautiful? You should allow time for details to start forming, [ he says with light amusement. ]
no subject
It made him feel so aware of Solas' body next to him, from the warmth to the way he smelled, and somehow it was all really turning him on.
Now did not really seem to be the time for that though, and Lad was struck trying to figure out why such a moment was turning him on when there wasn't anything sexual about it.]
Solas, are you always so gentle with people? Is this something Mythal teaches?
no subject
'Gentle' was not a word many would use to describe him. Rash, hot-headed, but his heart was in the right place most of the time no matter what his stubbornness might do to it. Being with Lad was... different. The man had shown his own kindness and even more of it tonight with him. It was calming in a way and intimate to be relaxing with another in his quarters. ]
The People are her children in a way, or so she says if asked why she seeks to ensure a code of laws is upheld.
no subject
[Lad moved one hand to gently run up and down Solas' thigh in what he felt was just a friendly gesture.]
So Mythal is gentle to her actual children as well?
[While children weren't often sent into the workforce quite as hard as adults, but he remembered them being far less gentle with the children than they were with adults. Adults had been trained and thus were more valuable than the children.]
no subject
You mean those that server her? Yes, though you would do her a disservice to think only that of her. She has a firm hand when needed.
[ Which gave it more potency, in his opinion. If one stayed in a state of constant fear, what would it matter if they faced it yet again in failure? No, Mythal wielded it carefully and never ill-deserved. ]
no subject
[Lad didn't speak of it solemnly, to him it was just a simple difference between them. He had obviously had such the harsh view instilled in him as well. He wouldn't harm a child personally,and he often pitied the new arrivals, but he didn't mourn too much over the ones lost. It would have been inevitable, and so it was better they had not have to suffer too much.]
Those that don't make it generally would not have lasted long in adulthood anyway.
no subject
Does Sylaise think so little of life that she would allow those flames to be extinguished so young?
[ The more he learned of the Hearthkeeper, the more he loathed her. How did she manage to keep control of those that served her when she showed so little respect for them? ]
no subject
[Then again free children were not often toted into the courtesan's wing for obvious reasons. Lad truly knew little of the world outside of the halls in which he served.]
If they do perish then they would have only suffered needlessly if they did manage to reach adulthood. I remember when I was brought in, I imagine it would be better to perish than have to constantly suffer punishments for disobedience or failures to complete your duties. It is more merciful.
no subject
There was a part of him that burned brightly with the injustice of it all. That so many of the People were hurt needlessly. And for what? It served no damn purpose but to fuel egos that needed no further stroking. His grip on his pencil is tight enough to cause his knuckles to whiten before he forces it to relax. ]
I could speak with Mythal. If you truly think death is preferable to living then--
[ There had to be something Sylaise was doing that Mythal could act on. ]
no subject
He had yet to realize it, but normally he would grow frightened when others angered, and yet he did not fear Solas. He'd reason later that it must have been because Solas was growing angry on his behalf, rather than at him as was usually the case.]
It is alright Solas, I told you, I'm fortunate. I did not stand out among those gifted in intelligence or physical strength, but I was personable so they waited until I grew to see if I would be attractive enough to be a courtesan. I was not one of the unfortunate children.
no subject
There should be no unfortunate children, [ he says sharply before forcing himself to pull back. ]
That is not how anyone should rule their people.
no subject
It is not so bad, truly there are so many that have it worse. We are treated well as long as we do what we are supposed to. I've lived a good life, the people are mostly nice, I am well cared for, it could be so much worse-
[And in his nervousness he just keeps talking, parroting the rhetoric he grew up hearing that was used to keep him and others in line. He believed it of course, and he had seen examples of some who lived in far worse conditions from the other Evanuris. He did consider himself fortunate... and he'd consider himself more fortunate if he somehow managed to calm Solas.]
no subject
I am not one you can convince of that, [ he says, firm but in a more even tone. Was that what had bothered him? It was difficult to tell. ]
There may be others that have it worse, but that does not excuse the treatment of you or others that have it 'better.'
no subject
The hand on his shoulder did little to comfort him, and instead he looked at Solas, his eyes starting to well up from the fears he could not voice.]
I think I am treated very well, and I am very happy here. I don't want to go anywhere else.
[He could not order Solas not to tell anyone, but he could try to make a subtle plea.]
no subject
Why would you go elsewhere? [ And why was he so frightened of it? No, wrong question to ask, he knew the why. There was no guarantee a better Evanuris would want him or anyone else with the power.
Still, that concern was there and he wasn't sure why. ]
no subject
I have broken so many of the rules, I have told you things I should not have. They do not tolerate such disobedience.
no subject
If something befell Lad after this, he would find out somehow and act on it. The man did not deserve such treatment for speaking about the ills that plagued those under Sylaise. ]
I am a man of my word. What would you have me do to reassure you?
no subject
[So no, they would not hurt him, but he would be bought by someone that would. That was the natural order of things. How could he have said such things to put him into this position? Well, at the time he mentioned it, he hadn't thought anything of it, but apparently it angered Mythal's favored.]
Even when you are so angry?
no subject
[ He lets out a small sigh and reaches to take Lad's hand, if the man would let him. ]
I have walked enough among the halls of the other Evanuris and I know how to bring concerns to Mythal. If I breathe a word of how Sylaise handles her domain, I would wait and you would not be mentioned. [ Since what he would want to say had more to do with the general treatment of Sylaise's slaves than the 'rules' that had been broken here tonight. ]
no subject
If it comes back to Sylaise that one of us spoke on such unflattering matters we would all be punished as a result, unless someone stepped forward.
[It was one of the many ways they kept power over the slaves as a whole. Raise them so that they know no other life, convince them they are fortunate, and turn them against each other in fear of punishment. Sylaise was always one to want to maintain the image of perfection, and disobedient slaves could put quite a damper on that.]
no subject
To punish them all would be shortsighted. His hope would be that Mythal would maneuver carefully, but swiftly. Stop Sylaise before she was able to do more damage. But if she was able to seek retribution before intervention or sought it even after-- ]
Would you step forward? [ Because he understands the implication of Lad mentioning that. It's something he's done already, an act Solas admired greatly. ]
no subject
Solas’ shift in topic brought him back to the conversation, and he nodded without any sign of hesitation.]
Of course I would. I couldn’t let everyone suffer for my misdeeds.
no subject
It is hardly a misdeed to speak of the ills that have befallen you and others, [ he says with a small sigh. ]
I do not want harm to come to you.
no subject
I trust you.
[He couldn't precisely say why, but despite everything he was ever taught telling him that this was wrong, he couldn't bring himself to feel like it was wrong at all.]
no subject
Thank you. That is all I ask of you.
[ All he asks of anyone. ]